Melbourne essentials

If you find yourself alarmed by the hail falling from the sky last weekend, don't. That is merely the way Melbourne shows its love to newcomers, by throwing rocks at them like boys do to girls in sekolah rendah.

Epic Hail by Shiny Things

I'm seriously sorry for you new arrivals. When I first came here some time ago, things were normal. Summer was hot and dry, you could hate the Prime Minister without having to explain yourself, and you got curry-bash because you deserved it. It's all different now, nothing's the same now. You, my Bata-wearing new friends, are in a completely different Melbourne.

Down in front by looking glass

In my role as unsolicited guide, I first offer this piece of sagely advice: gather every thought you have about Melburnian campus life, and chuck it in the bin (some local lingo there, take note). A SAM or AUSMAT certificate does not prepare you for life within the hallowed halls of Parkville, Clayton, or Hoyts Melbourne Central if you're in RMIT. You will find little discipline, motivation and support, and that's just for waking up for 9am classes. Taking it easy is an extremely seductive option, but do so at your own perril. (rolling r added for effect.)

Make friends, and soon. The longer you wait, the harder it gets to break into cliques. In university, girls (and boys) are like cookies; you snooze, you lose.

And please, if you're here with mates (aha!), don't forget them just because you have some unexplainable need to hangout with whatever new bunch of people who take you in out of pity. Pity works for some people, but for the rest of us it's just sad. Besides, you might need those bridges you burnt one day in the future. Which can turn out to be not so distant sometimes.

Being active is good, but don't invest to much of yourself in clubs and societies. You can make friends outside of club circles. You should make friends out of club circles. Constant club meetings does not necessarily lead to deep meaningful conversations. Which you need; trust me.

Have fun. Responsibly. Think off all the crazy stuff you can do now with your new-found freedom. Do only half of that. You need your brains for your studies too. And writing for ASAM.

So those are some tips plucked from my reservoir of wisdom that I now share with you my fob brethren. Heed them, and tread wisely the road ahead. Godspeed.